The Journal
by imalloutofusernames
Summary: Shane keeps a journal about the things that have been going on with him and Mitchie lately. I OWN NOTHING (Reposted due to technical issues)


**April 8**

Stupid. Thats what that guy is-stupid. How can you be the luckiest person on the planet and wake up one day and decide you don't want it anymore? I mean, because 'luckiest person on the planet' is the only term that can be used to describe anyone who gets the chance to be with her. I use the word 'luck' because I don't think anyone can truly deserve someone like her, its just pure luck. We've been best friends for five years now and with each passing day I count my stars that she even considers me her friend. And here comes this guy, who's only known her for six months and he decides he doesn't want her around anymore. I just don't get it. Maybe he's on drugs. Its not totally out of the question. He's so laid back and he's got those dark squinty eyes that make him look like someone's blowing smoke into them. I don't know; the girls describe them as "smoldering and mysterious," but I've always thought they looked pretty creepy. Yep, thats definitely it; he's on drugs. Maybe he's mentally ill. I remember the time he stood outside Mitchie's window at 1 am. Just standing there! She said they had a fight earlier that day and that he said he couldn't sleep until he apologized. Pffft. That's right, stand outside in the dark and pouring rain throwing sticks at her window. Romantic and sensitive? No. Stalker? Most definitely. What a scary psycho killer this guy is. Maybe he's not even human. No matter who he gets into a conversation with he manages to make them laugh. Mitchie's mom calls it charming but I saw something similar on a horror movie the other day. All of the extra terrestrial beings took over the human's minds and made them respond the way they wanted. Yeah, thats some type of sci-fi mind control stuff. There. He's a drug addicted, psycho killer alien who is plotting to take over the earth. I knew there was a reason I didn't like that guy. Whatever the case, at least she's done with him.

**April 13**

It wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't taken something with him-the light in her eyes. Her eyes have a glow that is unparalleled. I have to admit that in the past I've asked her questions or talked to her about the most random of topics just so I could get to look into them. Its like taking a step into another universe. Well, at least for me it is. In the last month of their relationship, that light got dimmer and dimmer. Today, I realize it has completely faded out. Ever since the day they broke up she hasn't been the same. I look into her eyes and she seems distant. She's somewhere very away.

**May 1**

Apparently whatever island she's on, I'm not invited to it. She seems to be talking to everyone except me. She probably blames me for their breakup. Admittedly I wasn't the most welcoming person when he was around but its because I'm pretty protective of her. I've always felt kind of like her bodyguard I guess. I mean, she's extremely beautiful which means she's had more than enough idiots hitting on her. I didn't like the way he slid under my radar. But at my defense, I was never rude to the guy. Ever. But I guess she could sense it. Still, she doesn't have to respond this way. She won't even look at me anymore. And when she does, its like I'm a stranger. We used to be able to talk for hours on end but now its like she doesn't even know what to say to me.

**May 7**

I'd had enough. After having my text and phone calls ignored for the past week I drove over to her house. I missed her sigh. I missed the way she rolled her eyes when I laughed at my own joke (after attempting to cheer her up.) I even missed hearing her say that she was fine even though I knew she wasn't. I missed...her. It took a couple of knocks before she came to the door. I guess she saw my car in the driveway and was debating on whether she should open it. When she finally did open the door she asked me what I was doing there. Friends for five years and I've never heard that from her. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt a little. But instead of expressing that, my feelings came across as anger. I had never raised my voice at Mitchie before but I did that night. And at that moment I really didn't care. It was obvious that she didn't want to be friends anymore anyway, but before I left I demanded to know why. She just stared at me blankly and in silence. Part of me relished in it because this was the longest I'd had her attention in the last month or so. The other part of me was so torn that I couldn't bare to look at her anymore; an entire minute had passed and I wasn't even worthy of an answer, just silence. I turned around and walked away. I decided not to look back because I didnt want to remember how beautiful she was, I just wanted to remember the sting I felt in my chest. Every time I think of Mitchie I'll remember this sting and not all of the great things about her. Its easier this way.

After leaving her house I drove around for quite a bit. Driving was kind of my therapy and I needed major therapy to make sense of what was going on. I'd just lost one of the most important people in my life. It all happened so quickly, I didnt see it coming. I mean do people grow apart that fast? And if they did why was I taking it so hard. I'd grown apart from friends before but I'd never felt like this. My shoulders were heavy and my throat was tense. My head was pounding and if I was correct it felt like my heart was breaking. I mean, I love Mitchie but I... Wait, I.. love? NO! This was NOT the time to make that type of discovery. Love? I shook my head, swallowed the lump in my throat, grip the steering wheel and forced that feeling down deep into the pit of my stomach. I couldn't take that at the moment. Not love. Not being IN love. Not with her. Not at that moment. I needed to think so I drove to the best and worst place. I drove up to the pier where she and I went to hang out sometimes. We'd just sit at the end of the pier talking and throwing pebbles into the lake. Sometimes we'd listen to music and just watch the sunset. It was quiet and out of the way. Like I said, the best and worst place at that moment.

I parked my car just before the start of the pier. It was quiet. Almost too quiet. So I turned on the radio and dimmed the headlights. I walked to the edge of the pier. As I watched my breath appear and float off into the night air I shivered a little and zipped my hoodie. Good. It was cold. Maybe it would help me shake this feeling. I leaned against the railing and looked down at the moon reflected off the lake. I saw my reflection and started to wish I could trade places with it. Reflections don't experience heartache or confusion. Most of all reflections don't know Mitchie. I wish I never met her. At the moment, "Say Something (I'm Giving Up On You)" by A Great Big World started to play on my radio. I chuckled to myself because there was no way in the world I was going to give into this melancholy "movie moment." Not over someone who could turn their back on me like that. I thought back to five years worth of friendship which made me think about my feelings for her. I loved her. The whole time. But I had been avoiding it because I knew she wouldnt feel the same way. She was too good for anyone, but maybe mostly me. So I always pushed that feeling into the pit of my stomach. Now, I'm glad that I did. If growing apart from her hurts this much I didnt even want to know what it would've felt like to have her reject me.

The song was starting to annoy me, so I decided to turn it off and head home. I would leave all of my frustrations, my brokenness and heartache right there at the pier. Just as I turned around I saw her, standing there. A single tear sliding down her face. As much as I hated to admit it she looked hauntingly beautiful. She probably came there to be alone just as I had. So I walked the length of the pier towards my car. Before I could pass her she grabbed my arm. "You wanted to know why," she says looking up at me with determination in her eyes. I was surprised by her sudden display of emotion but I still wanted to go home and put that night and maybe Mitchie behind me. So I shook my head and continued to walk past her. "Shane!" she calls to me but I reach for the car door handle. She grabs my hand and forces me to turn around and face her. "Heres your reason." She grabs each side of my face and pulls my face in towards hers. Her lips connect with mine and she kisses me with enough passion to make my knees weak. She tells me everything through that kiss. She tells me she's always had feelings for me. She makes me realize that she was always afraid to tell me. She lets me know that she's heartbroken too and that she had almost given up. I can tell she's still crying and as much as I am enjoying kissing her I pull away because I want to know why. Our foreheads stay together and I stare at her closed eyes. "Mitchie, look at me." She looks into my eyes. "Why are you crying?" I ask. She responds between sniffs and wiping her eyes with her sleeves, "Because I made you give up on me." I smile at her and shake my head, no. The song is still playing but its words couldn't be further from the truth. I hug her so tightly that her feet leave the ground. "I'm not giving up on you," I say. And after all these years I finally admit, "I'm in love with you." She smiles the first genuine smile I've seen in months and the light in her eyes is back. "I'm in love with you too."


End file.
